So The Real Challenge Begins!

I tried to keep the motivation at an all time high. Nothing worked. So I put on an exercise tape that I have not used since the 80's. What the (insert F word here) was I thinking? My body is screaming at me and my stomach is so sore. After 4 kids and collapsed stomach muscles, it is not feeling the best. Through the whole horrific ordeal I could hear noises. I stopped several times to try and hear closely to what appeared to be some kind of clapping noise. Each time I began to torture myself through jumping on the spot again, the noise returned. What the? It cannot be? But sure as shit it was my stomach slapping against my upper thighs. I stopped, I did not know whether to laugh or cry. I was in disbelief. Had I honestly believed that I had not let myself get this obese! Well I had and it was a wake up call.

My back is sore, my legs are sore and right at this moment I feel like vodooing Cher's arse! (the video was a Cher fitness tape)

Where have I gone? Where did all that fat come from? Did some alien land and pump someone elses liposuction remnants into my stomach, thighs and butt while I slept soundly? Well thank you!!!! You could have thrown some into the breast area too you know!

I have spent much of the day trying to find me. Avoiding mirrors from the waist down at any cost has obviously been my downfall.

So the mirror has revealed all. Not only have I aged 20 years but I have gained 30 kilos. What a challenge this will be.

I think I need to seek out similar people on this journey to get some tips and tricks, off to blogland we go!

Another Day

Today… It’s a cold and miserable day! Rain, rain go away! How I miss the sunshine!

My thoughts… I am not feeling the motivation I did yesterday. Boredom has set in and I trying to keep myself busy. I am trying to get into a good mindset to remain positive and motivated. I am also trying new products for my face and skin. I have let myself go in so many ways. I am also missing my friends. Our move, due to my hubby's employment, has been hard on us all. My kids are still finding it hard to settle in here and I feel so bad for them. We all had to leave behind dear friends and we are all trying to make new friendships but it is so hard.

Today’s Quote…You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky

I Am Grateful For… My husband and family

My Diet… This morning I had eggs on toast, great for a cold day. Still trying to invent some interesting, low fat recipes to keep me motivated.

Highlights Of The Week… I had my son down for a visit. It had been a few months since I had last saw him. I miss him incredibly. He was home for 3 days which was fantastic.

Reading now… The lazy girls guide to weight loss and fitness! by AJ Rochester Fantastic book!

Listening To… Pink!

Things That Make Me Smile… Hearing the harley pull up in the drive! It means hubby is home!

This Week I Must…To stay motivated and try and get at least 6 hours of exercise in for the week

I Am

(Being able to feel deeply, so intensly, is sometimes a curse. There are times it shatters me into thousands of tiny diamond formed pieces. )

I am...

...changing. Each moment is magnified and filling my inner being.

...moving on. Days of confusion, bad memories that stain my soul and age old walls slowly fade.

...dreaming. Of warm ocean breezes, white sandy beaches, a hot summer sky where shades of pink and deep purple embrace the sand. Where the aroma of frangipanis arouse the senses.

...learning. To stay afloat when the cold despair of fear once again begins to drown me into my own darkest depths. To succeed with knowledge and hope. To believe in tomorrow when today seems unreachable and yesterday seems unfair.

...beautiful. Sometimes foolish, a necessary evil, believe's in magic, always loses when holds back, never on time, an experience to the senses, a journey and a moment in time, no longer a reflection of life's regrets.

Here I Go Again

So I am back again. I opened up blogger with a new zest, all prepared to write down what I have planned for myself to help me lose weight. It then dawned on me. I have spent almost all of my adult (and teen) life obsessed with my weight.

I have never been happy with how I look, even when I did look good. I know that almost all of my weight problems are born from my emotional and mental being. I have always been an emotional eater and as I have aged, I (mentally) believe there is no hope for me as I have damaged myself through yo-yo dieting.

I took a long hard look in the mirror today and feel blah! After 4 kids my body has become an indescribable shape, my skin is sagging (everywhere) and I have aged at least 20 years in the face. I had let myself go, so badly in fact that I do not recognise myself anymore. The zest that I once had has fizzled and the smile that reached from ear to ear is now down turned. I look old, I feel old.

Having said this, I do love who I am as a person. I have many fantastic qualities but my outer exterior is my biggest challenge, along with the emotional roller coaster that I continually throw myself on.

I am now challenging myself to work on my mind, body and spirit. To take better care of myself and regain back some of that amazing zest for life. Today is the first day of the rest of my life!

Attitude Is Everything

This just may be a story but I am using it as a guide to my attitude as I quit smoking.

If you think you are going to have a bad time with it, you will. If you choose to believe that it doesn't have to be nearly as difficult as we make it, then it won't . After all, attitude is EVERYTHING. Make a good choice today.

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good or bad mood. The bottom line : It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business.

We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination.

The robbers panicked and shot him.

Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'He's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

*** UPDATE!!***
After almost a year, I took back up smoking. I feel I let myself down. Bloody cancer sticks, quitting smoking and the weight loss, I failed both miserably.