Caz's Chaos

About Me

Past Chaos

Search Site

My Reads


Cool Places





Aug 16, 2011

Going To Quit Smoking

I am posting there here as I found it on a forum and I want to remind myself when needed. Credit goes to the original poster of this great message!

I know .. I know.. Everyone says.. “oh wait it will get easier”

What a crock!!!!

The truth of the matter in plain English,, and not sparing your feelings// It aint that hard to begin with…
It dose not matter if your on quit day number one or quit day number ten thousand,, it’s the same dam thing
Don’t Smoke!!
Don’t Put things In your Mouth and light then On Fire!!!
it cant get any simpler then that.
The only difference between day one and day one hundred and one
Is you have had one hundred days to learn its Not that hard to Do

I have said before ,, And I stick to it.. Smoking is harder then Not smoking..
The non smoker dose not have to stop each day on there way to work wait in line to give away his money… the non smoker can actually have money at the end of the week to do something relaxing.. where as the smoker is to buzy spending his cash on feeding an addiction.. and for the record. Feeding a baby maybe fun when you first get them home.. after two months and midnights,, it aint all that fun any more… but yet the smoker continues to feed there addiction day after day , year after year, ten . twenty ,, thirty years later
First thing in the morning.. after a meal.. pausing a movie.. take a break and go smoke.. one before bed,, one in the middle of the night if they happen to wake and countless others here and there.And for what?
Oh they say////” It realax’s me.. I enjoy it”.. Yea Right.. Its just balls of fun standing out side in the middle of winter in your freaking PJ’s to have a smoke.
I don’t regret smoking for god knows how long.. I regret being so stupid all thous years.. the thousands upon thousands of dollars blown away in smoke.. all over fear of the unknown,, fear of failure.. or fear of something far worst, Sucsesss . fear I would never get to smoke again.. god to think of this ,, now honestly just makes me sick!!
If I ever get a hankering for a cig.. I would be better off lighting a twenty dollar bill on fire.. and in fact I could light a hundred twenty’s on fire and still come out cheaper..

Its not difficult to quit smoking.. talk to some one dieing from smoking .. Im sure they could let you in on some Info on what is Hard.. think Chemo is a tea party. Oh,, Radiation ,, now that’s a fun word.. so much more cheery the “quitting”..

Quitting I would bet to say is the single greatest thing that involves doing nothing to get the greatest rewards.. seriously . all you have to do to successfully quit forever Is not ever smoke again//
Guess I am going to repeat my self once more

Quitting forever is Not difficult to do.. it only takes forever!!

You know what a hill of beans is worth.. about the same as saying to the doc.. “Cancer Really.. huh.. I quit smoking once for six weeks…. Are you sure thous results are correct.. you know it might have even been seven weeks ,, and once another time for a month.. but that was back in 09 .. so yea,, that one might not count”

Sure , sure.. were all going to die sometime of something..
The thing of it thou,, is quitting forever may have the rewards for some to beat any damage already done to there body. And result in a longer life.. But No matter the time left you have on this bloody planet,, to stop smoking and to stay stoped results in a better quality of life, no matter the time span of it.

I have no meter and could really care less how many days I have not smoked,, I care how many days I have left to not smoked and all the things I can fit into thous days. Some maybe like today just a lazy Sunday writing off into cyber space.. but some will be
Sking down the mountain sides, or climbing trails threw the Rockies..holding hands,wishing upon falling stars
Skipping stones on beach pond.. fighting fish that don’t want to come in.. hugging a child, finding a quarter behind there ear. sharing in there smile , reveling in there amazement.
waiting on my grand son to be born
Walking my daughter down the isle..

I use to exsit in this wide wide world a smoker getting by ..
And to the magic in quitting I have found this:.. Now I live it with no boundaries.. I may live on shoe strings and sweet dreams, but so be it, The world has no limits to tie me down No more is my existence based on or revolve around Ramen noodles and smoking in the freezing rain . cowering under awnings standing in the huddle sharing a suicide pack. all crying foul ,, blaming the world for a gray tomorrow

Quitting is not hard to do..
Living the life of an addict is hard to do
Dieing the smoker, a death full of regrets is hard to do

Freedom is not leaving the cigarettes unopened and un bought on the store shelf
Freedom is living with no restrictions.. un chained . unshackled
From dependence and addiction

Quitting is not hard to do
Living a life of dieing in a crush proof prison built by big tobacco
That’s hard to do .

Jun 12, 2011

What A Week!

So I am officially back at work. What the hell was I thinking? My back is so sore and I am so damn tired. I love being a nurse, not working as one. If that makes any sense!

My diet has been a yo-yo dilemma all week. I have managed to lose 1.5kg. YEAH! But it has been a hard slog. I was down 2.5kg but gained back a kilo due to poor eating. I have not exercised due to the rain and the fact that I get home and just want to curl up and cry. My body is not taking this too well. Heavy lifting and rolling is putting strain on my back and I am not sure how much longer it will be before it gives out totally. I would leave if I did not need to gain the experience so badly. Since graduating last year and moving interstate etc, I have not gained enough experience, so I need to hit the wards for at least 6 months. I am truly hating it.

I had a patient who was told that she had only a matter of days or weeks left to live. I sat and held her hand while she cried. She is only 65 years old and is worried she may not get to see her children once more before she goes. My own immortality came rushing home. All the "what ifs" streamed through my mind about how I treat my own body and how we never truly know our own due dates. I came home and drowned my sorrows in chocolate. Hugged my own children and feel a deep sense of loss for this woman.

My ward is mostly filled with people who cannot do their own daily living care. Almost all are incontinent of urine and faeces and my day is spent cleaning them, giving meds, changing sheets and lifting them to dress wounds and shower them.

My goal in nursing is to be an educator, something that I must do more study for and something that is out of my reach until I do my share of the hard work which means hitting the floor of the wards. Some days, like today, I continually doubt myself as to whether I am really cut out for this. Sad really, when I have spent many years trying to become a Nurse.

The staff on my floor are not to bad but I have been thrown in to either sink or swim. In my younger years I would have invited the challenge. Today, with so many law suits and risks of medication errors, I feel overwhelmed. I am back to smoking heavily, which brings about a new set of stresses, as I see patients with COPD and smoking related diseases dying in front of me and you would think that would be enough to make me quit. I am so stressed, I smoke, then stress that I am going to end up like them, then smoke, it is a vicious circle.

My hubby goes in for an operation in a couple of days and will be at home for 2 weeks to recover. I am working full time and split shift. My days will turn into a blur as I try to help my husband recover, look after kids, work, study and try to keep the household going.

I am usually a very optimistic person who can see the funny side of life even in its dark moments. But today, I just feel mentally and physically exhausted. I feel like I am on an out of control roller coaster and too afraid to jump off!!

I am back to logging my food intake, I will try and cut back on smoking too. I will incorporate more vitamins and eat healthy to give my body something to run on and I will try to exercise at least twice this week. Forward we go!

Jun 2, 2011

Underground Fitness

Came Across This Guy! Love Him!!!!!!! All his vids are educational!

Jun 1, 2011

Sweet Obscenities!!

Quote For The Day
"A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit."

7am - I had a dream of eating a packet of chocolate tim tams and I could not remove the stains around my mouth from that sweet obscenity! I woke, looked in the mirror for any traces of the chocolate, praying I had not attacked and raided the fridge of these evil delights!

Lunch - I was doing really well! Fantabulous actually! Then I craved everything in sight! Nothing, NOTHING was going to stop me from getting my hands on every bit of food in this house! I ate, then ate some more, then just to be sure, ate into oblivion!

An Hour Later - Guilt ridden and feeling like someone had rolled me in flour and was ready to throw me into the frying fat, I crawled (an overdose of carbs kinda makes me feel drunk) to the lounge and decided to work off some of this guilt.

2.30pm - Cannot move from lounge floor, comatosed still I think.

3pm - Kids arrive home and want to call emergency! I reassure them I am just overdosed on carbs and to roll me back onto my tummy so I can get up.

3.15pm - All fired and set to go. I put on my shoes and walk out the door. The cold air hits me like a brick and I want to turn and run back inside. I fight with the MP3 player and headset and head off.

3.30pm - Too cold and my MP3 player is possessed, I give up and head home.

4pm - I bring out another 80's exercise tape. This one a little more sedate. I work through it slowly. I start to feel good. So good in fact I want to celebrate!!!! Someone give me a chocolate now! (I always treated myself with a chocolate) I raid through the fridge and see that glowing golden light right at the back. My Tim Tams! My hand is trembling and I begin to reach toward the back for my reward, that nightmarish image flashes of me not being able to remove the traces. I stop. I shut the door and back away from the fridge.

6pm - I am still full only eat a light meal.

8pm - I am exhausted and want to sleep. Hubby gives me a massage and tries to soothe my battered outlook of the day! Head to bed, tomorrow is another day!

May 30, 2011

So The Real Challenge Begins!

I tried to keep the motivation at an all time high. Nothing worked. So I put on an exercise tape that I have not used since the 80's. What the (insert F word here) was I thinking? My body is screaming at me and my stomach is so sore. After 4 kids and collapsed stomach muscles, it is not feeling the best. Through the whole horrific ordeal I could hear noises. I stopped several times to try and hear closely to what appeared to be some kind of clapping noise. Each time I began to torture myself through jumping on the spot again, the noise returned. What the? It cannot be? But sure as shit it was my stomach slapping against my upper thighs. I stopped, I did not know whether to laugh or cry. I was in disbelief. Had I honestly believed that I had not let myself get this obese! Well I had and it was a wake up call.

My back is sore, my legs are sore and right at this moment I feel like vodooing Cher's arse! (the video was a Cher fitness tape)

Where have I gone? Where did all that fat come from? Did some alien land and pump someone elses liposuction remnants into my stomach, thighs and butt while I slept soundly? Well thank you!!!! You could have thrown some into the breast area too you know!

I have spent much of the day trying to find me. Avoiding mirrors from the waist down at any cost has obviously been my downfall.

So the mirror has revealed all. Not only have I aged 20 years but I have gained 30 kilos. What a challenge this will be.

I think I need to seek out similar people on this journey to get some tips and tricks, off to blogland we go!

Older Posts